A Tale of Two Knights
by LaCorelli
Summary: An abridged retelling of Chaucer's Knight's Tale from Canterbury Tales. Two silly knights battle over a woman who doesn't know they exist with a happy ending for all concerned, especially her.


**Author's Note**: This poem is a reshaping of Chaucer's Knight's Tale and was written in response to having to read it back in college. Being female what struck me most was the position of the unfortunate woman to have inspired the obsession of these two idiot knights. Never even knowing who they are, she ends up being a prize to whoever wins. There is very little of chivalry or courtly love in this tale, and to boot, I found it dead boring to read though it still managed to raise my ire. In any event this poem was the result composed in a flash of irritation. It's meant to be parody, and I hope it's amusing.

**A Tale of Two Knights**

**(A Retelling of Chaucer's The Knight's Tale with a New Ending)**

'Twas in the days of once upon a time,  
When knights did contend for their ladies fine,  
And Love at first sight was the rule, not the exception,  
And damsels waited with passive receptions,  
That two knights did fight for the love of a lady so fair  
And stained the earth with their blood so rare.

But in order to tell this tale aright

I must return to the start of their plight  
These two lords, Algy the Foolhardy and Pally the Unrattled  
Were on the losing side of a hefty battle.  
Nigh unto death, captured by the foe,  
Into a dungeon they were thrown.

No hope of ransom lay before them  
And so they passed the time in boredom  
Until that terrible, fateful day  
When the damsel chanced into their way.  
Emmy, by name, the damsel little knew  
That her walk in the garden would start such a brew.

For Pally did glance from his dungeon keep  
And what he saw felled him in a heap  
A sigh so great did fall from his lips  
That Algy was afraid that his mind had slipped.  
But Pally did describe a vision divine  
That intoxicated him more than a barrel of wine.  
Then Algy glanced, out to see Emmy the Fair  
And gasped as if he were desperate for air.

With a green tinged eye did Pally turn to  
And said "What on earth bothers you?"  
Algy did cry of that woman so true  
That his heart had stolen clear out of the blue.

Then Pally, in anger, did let out a yell  
And said, "Why you traitorous blighter get thee to H-!  
She's mine I tell you. I saw her first,  
And if you think you can have her then you're thrice curst."

Then Algy did turn to calmly reply,  
"Why you thick-headed beggar that's a blooming lie.  
Sure you glanced out the window a vision to see,  
But it was I who first noted the earthly reality.  
In any case, you old toad, whatever you may think  
Love's a wine which anyone may drink.  
Besides, you dodger of victorious strife,  
In case you've forgotten we're in here for life,  
So it's not bloody likely when all's told  
That she'll be for either of us at the end of the road."

"No matter, you blackguard and traitor in arms,  
Just keep loving her and I'll rend you some harm."

"If that's how you like it," Algy did say,  
"Then I'll combat any night or day."

So they did struggle in their cell so dim  
Until the jailers did complain of the din.  
Then their conqueror annoyed by their strife  
Kicked Algy out at the point of a knife  
And angrily said, "If I ever see you again  
I'll have your head on a platter well doused with gin."

So Algy all mournful into the night did ride  
All the while thinking he might as well have died.  
Pally did sit in his cell in despair  
Kind of half-wishing his friend were still there  
Each envied the other's lot,  
And sat about and mourned a lot.

Then one day Algy had enough  
And decided to go back and escape his rut.  
Besides he was lank and thin as a deer  
And figured he might meet his lady dear.  
So he rode back and went through the paces  
And managed to get in the conqueror's good graces.  
Meanwhile Pally had escaped for the wide-open spaces  
And planned to return for the lady's good graces.

Until by coincidence so unruly  
These two met in the forest-truly.  
Hurling invectives viciously on both sides,  
They did declare that someone would die.

Then as the blood began to flow,  
The conqueror showed up and wanted a better show.  
Since the lady had not known of the knights' little fancies,  
They were getting nowhere with their inelegant dancing.  
So the conqueror decreed a battle for the day  
In which the winner would have full sway.

The lady heard and liked it not  
And that's when she began to plot.

The knights did gather in their bright array  
And on the tourney field began their sword play.  
The battle was fierce; the blood was deep,  
And when the dust cleared they were in a heap.  
Algy the winner was declared  
And he turned to claim the lady fair.  
Yet his wounds were too much and he fainted away,  
Too weak for a husband so Pally claimed the day.

But when he turned to claim his lady's hand,  
Lo, it became clear she had fled from the land.  
It seemed she'd been married for long on the sly,  
And so she and her husband had decided to fly.  
He being a jester and no fighter at heart  
They thought it best to make a fresh start.  
So Pally and Algy all bruised and forlorn  
Did find themselves by love forsaken and forsworn.  
So they decided to give up violent sword play  
And bought a tavern where they are to this day.


End file.
